There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
