I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
