the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
