Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
