areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
