Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
