Your face is a jimmy john
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
