I want to have your abortion
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
