i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
