I met the friendliest cop last night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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