just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
