There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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