I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
