he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
