we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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