I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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