it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The power of my boobs compel you
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
