I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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