I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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