I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
