What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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