There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
