Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
