It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
