come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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