Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
