Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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