Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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