my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
