I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
