Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
