I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
