Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
