If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
