im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
