i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
