A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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