i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
