Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
