I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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