he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
