you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
