he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
