ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
