I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
