dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
