You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
