Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
