I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
