well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i need an iv and a liver transplant
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
