Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
